Newslined

April 28, 2006

If we can take all your babymommas, you can have all our crack heads


crack headsMexico is about to sign into law a bill that decriminalizes drugs such as marijuana, cocaine, heroine, shrooms, etc.

Holy shit, you know where next year's biggest spring break destination will be (not Florida).

But seriously, if we can take all their womens that breed faster than a fuckin bitch in heat, then they can have all our crack heads. You know Whitney Houston is already bookin a flight to Nuevo Laredo.

Super Spies Piss off Europeans


The CIA has assigned agents to undergo over 1,000 secret flights in Europe since 2001 and the Europeans are pissed!

They are even more pissed at the fact that we have been kidnapping their bitches without telling them! They are scratching their heads saying "Where did Afsad and Mohammed go?"

That's right! We stole their assses! And you wonder why? Don't you people watch Alias? It's called a secret mission for a reason!

Catholics Doth Protest Too Much


USAThe Vatican is calling for a full scale boycott of the upcoming movie, The Da Vinci Code.

They are calling it anti-christian and full of lies! Can you believe that? A Vatican official saying someone else is full of lies?

Well apparently being a pedderass is "Christian-like" and "full of truth and holiness".

You know what will happen? Boycott a movie and more people will go see it! You crazy bitches! And you know what else? Why are you protesting so much? Did Dan Brown hit a sore spot with your insane cults... Me thinks so.

That bag of chips will try to murder your ass!


This bitch's car done blowed up when he was performing a stunt for some nasty ass potato chips. Ok when a bag of potato chips needs a car to drive off a bridge on fire to get it some publicity, then it is some rank ass shit!

Don't fuck with our song Pablo


USASome bitch recorded the national anthem in spanish, and the President actually stood up to the bitches who think that they can swim over a river and have eleventy babies, and then demand power, without learning our language.

I am actually quite shocked Bush was so blunt by basically saying that they should learn god damn english!

I figured he would have said "mucho goodo" or some shit about the song. I personally think it sucks because most spanish music does. I mean seriously, does anyone really want to hear an accordion any more?

I don't want to hear a bunch of gibberish either, unless I am drinking margaritas and watching a bitch get fucked by a donkey in Puerto Vallarte, I really don't need to hear anything other then "Yes, I speaka the English," or "And with the rockets red glare, we shot your ass back to Mexico."

The only good sci-fi show gets a prequel




boomer

Battlestar Galactica is not only gonna have Xena on it a lot more next season, they just signed off on a show called Caprica, which will be a prequel to the first episode of BG set 50 years earlier.

Geeks everywhere are going to be creaming themselves. But honestly it is a pretty good show, so I look forward to hoping that Caprica doesn't suck.

NASA launches "weather" satellites, gonna spy on your ass


spy satellitesSo NASA launched two "weather" satellites. Ummm can anyone say spy satellites? Seriously, why do they always use "weather" as the excuse. Kind of like the UFO in Roswell was a "weather" balloon, and not some crazy green asian coming here to impregnate our bitches and to unleash Godzilla on our asses.

Of course, Godzilla is a bad ass (the OG is, not that shitty Matthew Broderick one).

So be careful bitches, you could be in the shower singin some shitty Clay Gayken song, when big brother could be watching you and whackin off... the government could be spying on you with their new "weather" satellites as well!

No more splooge, no more babydaddies



pills

Some tests have clarified that the new male contraceptive drug does not destroy male fertility, it comes back after a couple of months.

The fucked up thing about this drug isn't that it could stop fertility, it's that it stops splooge altogether. Can you orgasm if you can't cum? I mean seriously, that shit is dayum creepy.

And besides, why should the guy take a contraceptive? The bitch needs to be on the pill or have some RU486 or some shit. Fuck her, she's the one who can get prego. And the gays don't give a shit, so yet another worthless medicine that takes precious resources away from more testing on pills that make dead bodies disappear.

April 27, 2006

Rosie is Back!!!





You hear it here right away! Rosie O'Donnell is set to take over for Meredith Viera on ABC's The View.

Let me just say, this shit is GENIUS! Rosie will pummel those bitches! Can you imagine how the gay-hating Star Jones will react?

And Elizabeth Hasselbeck - the girl with nothing but sugar and spice in her fucking head will explode!

Rosie will own that show in a matter of weeks! I can't wait for the scandal, drama and intrigue that will start pouring out. Rosie, take those bitches out!

I Couldn't Wipe My Ass With $100



exxon

As you know, Exxon is raking in billions in profits over the last three months. Something like 8.4 billion in PROFIT.

So the Republicans decided a good idea to alleviate the gas burden would be to give $100 rebates. Okay, so suddenly the government is fucking Best Buy? Rebates? Bullshit.

They won't even specify who might get these rebates. They also tacked on to the bill a measure which would allow drilling in Alaska. So they slaughter poor wilderness bunnies and give us rebates. I've seen www.savetoby.com and no thank you. Leave the bunnies alone!

Have you ever tried to get a fucking rebate before? It takes 6-8 weeks from Best Buy, could you imagine how long it would take to get one from the government?

The Democrats want to lift the government gas tax of .24 a gallon for 60 days. Now there is some thinking. That helps everyone quickly. They also want to tax the ass off the Oil and Gas companies. Instead of giving them billions in tax cuts.

Like Sammy said, let's go panhandle in Exxon's yard. Let's add the Republican Senate to that too. Those Butt Monkeys drive me ape shit.

10 States Give the Big Middle Finger to Uncle Sam





New York, California, Connecticut, Maine, Massachusetts, New Mexico, Oregon, Rhode Island, Vermont, and Wisconsin are all suing the shit out of the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency for you dumb asses out there) over Global Warming.

Apparently, the EPA doesn't count carbon dioxide emissions under Bush's much-tauted Clean Air Act.

So all that crap that comes out our cars and trucks isn't counted in the link and exposure to Global Warming. Fuck! Where do you think the pollution is coming from?

Republican 1: Pollution doesn't exist! The ozone layer doesn't exist!
Republican 2: Carbon dioxide is a Democratic conspiracy!

Fucknuts. I'd like to see you douche-bags suck on a car and the byproducts of a refinery and see how clean your air is after that.

Oh yeah, I forgot, your children are the one who wear their collars popped up.

My Bitch of the Day

Sony

Douche of the Day

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Nintendo

We should panhandle on these bitches' front lawns



exxon

So Exxon just announced even more profits through the ass-raping of Americans. We seriously need to start staking out on the front lawns of these executives and just asking for money.

You know some bitch who just made $400 million can't just look you in the eye and say "Sorry I don't have any..." I'd be like bitch, you got $400 million dollas! Gimme some!

And just harrass their asses til they lower prices or give you some money. Either one. I prefer they give me some cash monies in a shoe box, myself.

Then I'd be rich and I could tell all you bitches to fuck off, it's my money. Don't be askin me for any. I don't buy that sympathy cane for a second.

Don't mess with the Dogg or your ass will get tossed





Some bitches didn't wanna let the OG (stands for original gangsta for all you whities) Snoop into some VIP room at the British Airport. So his bitches got all crazy and started tossin shit at the Duty Free.

Then the po-pos tried to beat down their asses, so they started throwing em around. Suddenly, they got the bright idea to use the pigs for bowling practice.

It's what they get for tryin to fuck with Snoop Dogg. Don't mess with any of Dre's crew. Fucking Eminem will cut your ass with a chain saw, and fitty will fuckin shoot your ass cause he's all bulletproof and shit.

F-that. I'd stay away from all of em. Well except for Bubba Sparxx. You know he's a big ol pussy. And a fag.

Nintendo to release sex toys by end of year


wii wii

The new Nintendo system which had been dubbed "Revolution" has now been named Wii (We). Ummm yeah... so the controllers are kinda phallyc and could definitely be shoved up a vadge or poo-hole... and now named Wii as in wee-wee?

Come on Nintendo, are you going to release games featuring such characters as NAMBLA or tha Hef now?

Fuck this shit. PS3 all the way. Well getting laid first. Then PS3 for after while the bitch is making me a PB&J. Mmmmm after-sex PB&J and PS3. Damn. I gotta go.



Boy wins the never gonna be laid award




Ok so this tool graduated college BEFORE he graduated high school. Plus he is like some kind of red neck NASCAR racer or some shit.

Dude, this guy will only get laid if it's some white trash bitch who will only use him for his NASCAR (which isn't a sport) notoriety so she can get into Alan Jackson's pants or something.

He also likes to "play music." But it's like country music, so fuck him. Maybe he'll crash and become famous just for dying in an awesome fiery explosion and have a street named after him in some bum fuck town in North Carolina. It's already happened for ol # 3... or is it 8? Fuck. I can't remember. Oh well fuck it, they all suck.

My other personality is a god damn thief!


kill you

Some douche reported to the police that 12 checks had been stolen from his check book, but the problem was that he thinks he might have done it under one of his 24 different personalities.

Dude, I can see having a few since it may get lonely in that mind of his, but 24?! Does he have one for each hour of the day?

Oh look it's lunch time, my gluttonous drunk personality is coming out so I can now go to Bennigan's and scarf down 3 Monte Cristos and a gallon of Guiness.

Dayum bitch! You better hope your dinner time personality is an anorexic sexaholic girl! That way you can fill the void of food with cock instead of chicken!

April 26, 2006

Get a Tivo Bitch! (Spoilers)

kill you

Round 2 of the shit you've missed over the last week...

The OC - Theresa's baby isn't Ryan's! Thank god, I'd have to whack that skanky bitch! I can't take her greasy ass! Summer and Seth ran into Anna at Brown, so Summer thinks Seth wants to be with her. Summer is the best g/f ever, Seth is an idiot. Marissa couldn't get enough blue collar loving, so she went back to Volcheck after visiting Berkely. Kirsten started drinking again after realizing she married a big Tool.

Smallville - Lionel and Martha were kidnapped by a psycho and tested in a re-make of Saw-like challenges. Lionel is willing to kill himself to save Martha, but Clark saves the day. Lex realizes Lionel likes the Kents better than he likes him. Lana is a bitch and made out with Lex. (cunt bitch!)

DH and Grey's Anatomy were dumb "catch you up on the season episodes" - so lame.

Charmed - Piper blasted Christy, cause she's a bitch. Billy got upset and is working against the Charmed ones. Coop has fallen in love with Phoebe.

24 - Jack hunted down Chris Nelson's ass and tried to shoot a bitch. But then Audrey Rein's Dad, the Secretary of Defense had to kill himself to make sure C Nelson didn't have any hold over them. Jack jumped on a plane in order to get the recording of the President being a major Tool (and betraying the country). The President, meanwhile, told his wife about what he did, and she hates his ass. There is also another organization in play - and we don't know who they are. Karen Hughes of Homeland had a lightbulb over her head and found out the President is corrupt, so she helped Chloe escape from getting captured.

Scrubs - Genius as always. Though sad episode. 3 of Cox's patients died.

American Idol -
Katharine - Was amazing and exceptionally busty tonight. She sang Whitney Houston and the judges panned her. But I think it's obvious Paula is jealous of Katharine's ass. Paula is a washed up crack whore.

Elliot - Fug as always. Sang so-so.

Kellie - Fucked up her song AGAIN. This bitch is going home, and she knows it.

Paris - I'm not sure what to make of her. She's so odd. She has a good voice, but needs to find the right kind of song. She'll be in the bottom three.

Taylor - Sang all right, not as good as usual. Still one of my favorites. I like it when he sings the Bluesy songs. Give it some soul T!

Chris - did okay as a rock version of a love song. Still always sounds the same. I thought he did better last week.

Super Nerd Builds Porn Haven



I don't know who that tool who is on the right. But he serves his people well! Super Nerds out there have united in building a new super-hard drive that will hold 750 gigabytes.

For those out there who don't speak in "10001110101" - that means you can stash hours upon hours of porn!

Not only that, but you can save it in High Definition! There's nothing like seeing a hooker's nipple hair in High Def!

Okay, okay, so the nerdula isn't using it for porn. He's using it to create his computer girlfriend from Weird Science! You know those bitches worship that shit! Watch out Vanessa Angel! They're coming for your old ass!

Adopt an Iraqi Army!

kill you

You, yes you, can have your own Iraqi army! All you need is two hundred American dollars!

Isn't this amazing? All those dreams of being a despot and warload can come true! All those fucknuts who pop a load after playing Risk and strategy games can hightail it over to Iraq and buy themselves a police force!

The Iraqis are selling uniforms and military badges in the street for pennies! $2 will buy you a General badge! $15 will get you a uniform! And you know those bitches will haggle.

So get over there you ass-clowns who are spending your days in your local comic shop and spanking it in your momma's bathroom, get to Iraq and kill each other!

Bitches on Mopeds!



Gas is so high, people are going fucking crazy!

They've decided to give up on cars all together and jump on a moped!

I for one am 100% behind this descent into madness.

Get all those crazy bitches out there on moped scooters, and you'll see how easy it is to cleanse the world of crack-pot crazies!

Can you imagine riding one of those gay-tastic scooters down an interstate with a road-ragin soccer mom's surburban on your tail?

Splat! Your ass is dead.

FOX News and the Whitehouse Merge!

kill you

Bushy went and hired a new Press Secretary, Tony Snow!

Why should you give a flying fuck about this? Because Mr. Tony Snow is a tool of the Fox News network! Bushy couldn't find anyone else to do his bidding, so he recruited from his biggest fan base!

Snow reportedly isn't afraid to "give his opinion". Yeah, opinion my ass. The only thing Snow will be giving is a big woody up CNN's ass. Fox will be the only ones allowed in the fucking newsroom!

"Fair and Balanced" - HA! This shit is unreal. The only pro about his is Tony Snow has a history of bashing Mr. Bushy. Bushy must have gone and lost his marbles... but me thinks this all part of a master plan.





This bitch is crazy! You bitches gotta watch this pimp, he'll fuck you up in the name of Jesus H!

April 25, 2006

Questionable Sources

The Onion - This beaver is spending too much time on a dam

WWN - You better answer your fuckin door for the Jehova's witnesses!

Star - Locklear tells Richards 'You're dead to me!'

Enquirer - Diane Sawyer didn't cap his ass?

Hear Say
- The bird flu has hit us! Everyone run!

My Bitch of the Day

Z-Pack

Douche of the Day

 border=



Veysel Dalci

Don't smack gum like a douche, you won't get arrested!

kill you

So this douche, Veysel Dalci a Turkey political official, was arrested for chewing gum at a ceremony honoring some tool.

Ok this shit is crazy. I mean yeah, he was probably smacking it too hard like some douche bag little league baseball coach, but did he deserve to be arrested? I would probably let the political official go as I'm sure he was not on a major quest for tooldom, but the little league coach I would most likely detain.

Those bitches need to be taken off the street. All they do is terrorize the other kids by raising the biggest fucking asshole children known to man. Seriously, their kid is always the cunt you just wanted to run over with your 4-wheeler.

And if you were a po-ass with no 4-wheeler, than bashing his face in with a rusty chain would've worked too!

Stupid ass! You're not Santa!



So this stupid ass locked himself out of his house, so instead of breaking a window or using your stealth lock picking skills like a normal person, this bitch fuckin climbed down his chimney.

Jesus. But no, it gets better. The master of all intelligence decided to take his clothes off so they wouldn't "slow him down."

Ok, I knew some people were into freaky shit, but this bitch takes the cake. Naked chimney sliding is definitely a new one (unless you count that one Christmas where Santa got a bit too drunk on the 'nog and decided to...) .

Well of couse he got himself stuck up in thar chimney. The whiney bitch then proceeded to call for help until a neighbor heard his cries and called for the popos.

I would've left his ass in there. Then gone in his house and taken all his shit. I'd skip the route through the chimney though. I'm more of a smash the window with a crowbar kinda guy.

Crazy ass killer chimps will murder you!

kill you

These chimps like broke out of this refuge and killed a bunch of bitches. They attacked some taxi driver and some construction dudes.

Well no shit! They should quit fuckin showing King Kong to the fucking apes that will kill a bitch. If I saw my homie gettin harpooned, and chased by a taxi, and cock blocked, and killed and shit, I'd freak out too.

I mean damn. They should be showin those bitches some Brokeback Mountain.

I could've taken even more? Damn his ass!



Kenneth Lay lied his ass off in court saying he was innocent and that we should all blame Andy Fastegoat, I mean Fastow.

I mean yeah the bitch took a shit load of cash monies, but so did your ugly old ass. You were just pissed at AF cause he took some of the pay load you were gonna scrape off the top.

Bitch I got your number. Just keep on lying your face off. It's not like you are ever going to face prison time. Bush will pardon your ass even if you get guilty.

Bitch done stoled my story!

take it

So this bitch wrote a novel and ripped off some other author "unintentionally."

Bitch you know you stole that shit on purpose. You were all like, look at this shit, this book is mediocre at best, but if I rewrite it and take all the nasty ass period talk out, and release it as a 19 year old fresh faced author, it'll make me rich, bitch!

Well yeah, it did! And now you're ass is gonna be sued. Take that slut!

It's Thursday bitches!!



It is the day after tomorrow shit when Bush starts deregulating environmental blocks on gas companies and shit.

We are in such a crisis they are pretty much gonna let them bitches get away with anything. We're gonna have fuckin oil pourin into our water and shit.

We are sooo gonna hit the end times. You better save some twinkies (cause they have a shelf life of like 1,000,000,000 years and shit).

April 21, 2006

Questionable Sources

The Onion - Some babymomma is gonna have a world of hurt with that child

WWN - Bigfoot is becoming a fatty fat fat

Star - Was Ace booted for his douchey hair?

Enquirer - Is Britney Spears going crazy, or just plain white trash?

Hear Say - Bitches ain't shit but hos and tricks...

My Bitch of the Day

Danny O'Donnell

Douche of the Day

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George Pataki

Danny don't play dat - Pataki can suck it with his ridiculous name, vetoes

take it

Rosie's fag brother Daniel (I call em Danny *make your O face* O-ooh-ooh) O'Donnell won't stand for governors with stupid ass names like Poontaki and shit. He also won't stand for a veto on this education bill.

Basically they give extra state help to people in school, but with the veto it won't help people who work or have to take care of their kids because of the credit hours requirement.

He's all like, "Veto schmeto, look mother fucker, these babymommas and aspiring actors gotta be pimpin and hoin to make ends meet, they can't be all schoolitized all the time. Dayum bitches, I'll dick slap your asses, represent!" Cause he's b-a-double d, badd like that. You tell em Danny O!

The Assembly (stupid pretentious New Yorkers can't have a state house, they have to have an "assembly" like they are in fuckin high school or some shit) and Senate can override the idiot governor.

Well hells yeah they can, he better watch out for those assembly bitches in Harlem. They'll cap his ass and steal his shoes cause they are po and don't give a shit.

Bitch gets put in prison for being fucking obnoxious





This bitch got put in prison cause she's so fucking loud and obnoxious her neighbors were suffering "physical harm."

Basically the crazy person, Mrs Noisy she has been dubbed, bangs on pots and yells insults at passerbys, and plays loud music. She's like your typical local hobo that everyone knows, but much more fun. I fucking love this woman. She's fucking insane!

I want one. She would be my pet, and I would take her around and be like, go annoy those twats, and she'd run at them banging on shit and grring at them and yelling at them in her weird ching chongy language how they are ugly fat whores and she hates them, and she'd be all drunk so it would come out all

"ughg chingyy ghoppa ghoppa ghonorrea stupiiieeewhoreruts rah rah grrr lakhfakhf MAAAHHHH JAPAFUCKAGUHBA."

It would be fucking genius!

Pete Doherty will smack you in the face!





bitch


Pete Doherty got out on bail today after he was arrested for drugs, again. He wasn't too happy his ass got busted cause he said:

"I feel like smacking you in the face, mate, stay away from me."

Dude, he is the epitome of rock star. Bad teeth, smelly hair, stupid bitch coke head girlfriend, and he slaps bitches. Word.

FDA poopoos on pot heads' dreams; hates fags, cancer people



The FDA said no to medical marijuana, largely due to the fact that the DEA is givin it to them from behind, without a fucking reach around!

These bitches said there was no scientific fact that marijuana helps people. Even though countless studies have proven that it helps with AIDS wasting and nausea from chemotherapy in cancer patients.

It's obvious that the FDA doesn't really give a fuck about the actual medicinal use of drugs, it just cares about the political side.

I mean look at Advair, one of the side effects of that drug is DEATH IN BLACK PEOPLE. But not white or asian or hispanic? And they passed that shit! Conspiracy?

I think the FDA just sits there with a check list and is like, "dude, let's find the craziest ass side effects this shit can cause, and then pass it and see how many dumb fucks actually use it." "Shaaa bra, it'll be sweet."

Me thinks they've been tokin on the gonj a tad too long. That's why they don't want you bitches having it, cause pot heads are stingy fuckers, especially when its dank. They are just bogarting that shit for themselves.

Pablos beware! Homeland Security will actually do their job




deported


Homeland Security has been deporting some bitches. With all the hype of the new immigration laws, the department has been raiding businesses and sending people packing.

Apparently they are treating it like organized crime and have actually managed to do their job. I mean it's not that hard to find a big group of illegals. Just walk into a fucking McDonald's or (my personal favorite) go to a construction site and yell "La Migra!" They fuckin disappear faster than a slutty blonde in Aruba.

They found all of them because they researched the social security numbers that were procured illegally (the numbers matched to dead people).

I know if my ass was dead and buried, I wouldn't want some fucking bus boy pretending to be me. If I am gonna be a victim of identity theft I want it to be some bad ass Russian spy or some shit. Then they could shoot bitches and I'd get the credit. It would be awesome.

Recall: HP will firebomb your ass!





Dude get a fucking Dell, because HP will set you on fire. That's right they recalled all these computers cause they were freakin exploding and shit, and people were burned and mutilated and in some cases the fucking devil came out of the computer and pulled their ass into hell.

Be careful about that shit, bitches. They're evil.


Happy birthday to the Queen



This bitch is 80! Happy Birthday! Pictured here on her surprise "walkabout." British people are bad ass. I mean a freakin walkabout. And then she's showered with presents. Then she's all like, "chip chip, time to bid you farewell, we must have a spot of tea, cheerio!"

April 20, 2006

Baylor hates boobies! Loves cocks!




We all knew that Baylor University was the gayest school in Texas, but we didn't know it was THIS gay.

Baylor banned all the female students from posing in Playboy. It said it would take disciplinary action against any esteem-lacking female student that showed her twat.

Of course they don't care if the Lambda Chi's all fuck each other, though.

Damn Baptists hatin' on the boobies. When are they going to learn?

Cash monies down the toilet?! All you po bitches can fish in the sewer



flush!


Some dumb ass old retiree flushed all his cash monies down the toilet because he thought they were worthless. Apparently, it was worth som 30,000 euros ($37,000).

Jesus. I bet he was kickin his ass when he looked down the street and saw the scary hobo who lives in the sewers with his pet alligator and rat sidekick named Cheesy was takin a shopping cart with a Plasma tv in it back home.

What a rock star, crack head Doherty arrested again!




Pete Doherty was arrested today for drug possession, just hours after a court appearance.

I am sure Kate Moss is not too happy that she's gonna have to bail his cracked ass out of there again!

This bitch seriously doesn't know when to quit. But hey, as he says, "Drugs are fun!"

So is being ass raped in the jail cell, I guess. But hey if you had to deal with HoHan hanging around all the time, I am pretty fucking sure prison wouldn't be such a bad get away.

Hooray for potty mouths! Sailors in, prudes out!





boobies!


This bitch who was suing Friends because she felt "sexually harrassed" during converstaions and meetings with the writers. The judge threw it out because 'vulgarity' was part of the shows atmosphere with mediocre actors jumping in bed with each other all the time.

Honestly, the shit people come up with. Listen cunt, if you didn't like the way writers were talking and felt offended by sexual humor, why the fuck did you get a job on a sitcom? Seriously, the next thing will be her getting offended by all the gays running around at her next job on American Idol.

Brad Pitt to be involved in something without Angelina's stank all over it?






Brad Pitt is going to lead a team of architects and designers to rebuild parts of New Orleans.

Awww. First he hooks up with Miss "I must adopt an African child" then they go to Africa to have the baby (cause lions will protect them), and now he's gonna rebuild New Orleans.

Man if they weren't the whitest people of all time, you'd think they would get an Ebony award or something.

I for one think it's commendable, but if they are scared of the paparazzi, they better fucking watch out for crack heads and trannies with knives in New Orleans. Oh, and Trent Reznor.

Booby Handler Caught! Dirty old man posed as doctor




boobies!


Some old troll went around to women's homes and said he was a doctor performing free breast exams. When let in, he began to grope the women without gloves. One of the bitches decided to call the police when he got a little "friendly."

First of all, these bitches deserved it. I mean all he wanted was to grope some boobies, and you know the hos probly flash that shit to every drunk tool in a 5 mile vicinity. Besides, anyone is so fucking stupid to let some creepy old man offering free breast exams into their homes is gonna get manhandled a little. Seriously.

Not like they were raped. Look at the schmuck. He couldn't get it up if he tried (even with viagra).

Seven pederass priests kept their jobs





Roman Catholic Cardinal Roger Mahony let seven different priests accused of fondling little boys keep their jobs, and didn't tell anyone!

There is definitely some kind of boy fondling conspiracy in this damn church.

I mean Baptists are fuckin crazy, but at least they are only caught trying to fondle undercover police officers after they go on giant gay bashing parades. It's much better to be caught as a hyprocrite going after an adult, in my opinion.

It's like the NAMBLA headquarters should be St. Catherine's Cathedral or something. Honestly, these bitches need to at least go for someone with a little grass on the field. And if they are caught, they shouldn't be protected by the church.

You know those Baptists are excommunicated when they are caught at the bath house, and their dirty secrets are at least legal!


Questionable Sources

The Onion - iTunes will sell your home videos to you...

WWN - Have you been ubducted by an alien?

Star - What happens when you mix an American Idol loser and crack?

Enquirer - Mick Jagger on tv?

Hear Say - If you look at the silver lining in any unfortunate situation you will come out a winner...


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