May 31, 2007

Attack of the Blogs

There is some funny shit out there.

Take this, Overheard From New York:

Hell Is Other People with No Style

Jesus-freak: ... And let it be known that if you disobey the holy book and God's laws, you are eternally damned.
Queer: So, what happens to me if I'm gay?
Jesus-freak: You're going to Hell in a hand basket!
Queer: Well, that hand basket better be fucking Prada, bitch!

--42nd St station

Overheard by: you go, girl


Or this, Passive Aggressive Notes:



May 23, 2007

Melinda finally cuts the act

American Idol totally sucked ass last night, but the best part was Melinda's face while Jordin was performing.

She looks like someone took a dump on her birthday cake.

If I was Jordin I'd be careful, now that she lost when everyone thought she was gonna win it, I wouldn't be surprised if she started feeding on babies and ripping the heads off people who have necks.

May 17, 2007

Mary Jane Slutson?

So this Mary Jane statue (that's Spider Man's WIFE, not girlfriend major media peoples!) washing Spidey's costume while exposing her thong and boobalas, has gotten a lot of grief from the fan girl community.

My opinion? I don't think it should've evoked the hype it has, I mean sure it is a bit tacky, but being an avid Spider Man reader for years and years, I could actually see Mary Jane doing something like is, if not just to tease her husband and ridicule him for it enjoying said tease.

But yeah, chill the fuck out ladies, invoking MLK's name and the women's rights movement over a small statue just makes you sound like a bunch of screeching harpy bitches.

Sure there needs to be a less sexist outlook in the comic book industry, but there also needs to be a less racist and homophobic outlook.

Where were you "champions of justice" when Joe Quesada said only MAX titles will star gay characters or the fact that North Star was killed in almost every reality in the MU in the same fucking month? How about the fact that asian characters are almost always kung fu experts?

Sure I think there needs to be equality in comics and media, and women shouldn't be seen as pure sex objects, but keep it up and instead of sex objects, they'll be seen as PMSing crazy ladies who need to get the sand out of their vagina.

Look, we just don't like you...

Attorney General Gonzales is not feelin' the love on Capitol Hill right now, even the Republicans are telling his ass to go.

Seriously dude, the more you lie your way outta stuff, the more dirt they have on you.

My advice would be to get out of town, ASAP. Kenneth Lay knew too much and he magically had a "heart attack" like a day after he was convicted. They have ways, you know.

Don't get too deep or your ass is going to magically fall off a cliff and be eaten by lions in a freak zoo "accident"... or something.

[Ju Cunt Hundle Ja Truth, Ok?]

Outsourcing to India not only problem with Dell

[he's waiting for you to start eating dinner]

Dell is being sued by the state of New York for bad business practices. The leading computer manufacturers are bullying customers and screwing their finances up, as well as not holding to promises of quick service and disconnecting their calls when attempting to get support.

Man this is some shady shit. I hate it when you call customer service and you get some person you can't understand, then they "transfer" you which means they hang up on you or send you to collections when you don't owe any money.

Customer Service really means, "fuck you, don't call us."

I can see Mohindabubu right now

"You have to pay us,"

"No I don't, I don't owe you anything, I didn't even order a computer!"

"Yes! Give us money! You order computer!"

"No I didn't!"

"Durka, abu jihad mammadu!" Click.

Real mature Dell.

May 16, 2007

High Schools, Colleges, Post Offices... Nursery Schools?

A baby in Illinois is licensed to carry a firearm. Apparently the little tykes father thought it needed a license to carry a weapon, so he registered his 10 month old, with its REAL birthday, and the state granted the license!!

Next thing you know, the Catholic Church suddenly admits bullet proof vests as part of the uniform.

Not to mention the upstage in urban armed robbery, damn moochers, they gotta put those crack babies to work!

May 15, 2007

Hell +1

[Jerry Falwell 1933 - 2007]
Jerry Falwell just kicked it.

He was found "unresponsive" this morning and was rushed to the hospital but died around noon.

This is what happens when you eat 10 cheeseburgers, a pound of fries, 2 babies and a nilla wafer for every meal.

The man hated happiness and children. And after spewing all his speeches about fire and brimstone and hell, he finally gets to see what it looks like.

That's what you get when you enjoy hating on everyone, and stealing money, and teaching ignorance, and whackin it to kiddie porn.

3 bed, 2 bath, fireplace, two car garage... dead body...

[im so embarrassed, the camera totally adds like 10 pounds!]

So there is a rash of stories about dead bodies being found in homes after rotting alone from a couple months to years.

This woman in Wisconsin was found by the realtor a bit ago when showing the house, and just recently a body was found in a house that had been there for 6 years!

The bank repoed it and sold it in an auction, without actually checking the lay of the land, and the new owners were befuddled (awesome word choice) to find the previous owner mummified and dead as a doornail.

My question? What kind of wonky ass bank takes SIX YEARS to repo the house? Wells Fargo would've been on that shit like Lakondashaqua on a some pork rinds and koolickles.

His peen still works!

A 95% disabled man got drunk and mouth drove his motor bed the wrong way when attempting a trip to a brothel.

Just read that sentence a couple times. Yes. It's pretty obvious which percent of his body is still working, and I'm guessing it's not his big toe.

May 11, 2007

Do This or Die

Bitches... you must do it... it beckons you... feel it calling your name... avoid the axe and take my damn survey!

A Blast From The Past

I was pointed to this interesting archived story from the New York Post.

New York Post

April 19, 2005 -- He should have picked on someone his own size.

The midget mother and daughter who were allegedly terrorized by their neighbor stood tall yesterday as they faced the grand jury to testify against him.

Neither 3-foot-8 Debra Shea nor her 3-foot-6 daughter, Concelean Pegues, would comment on their testimony as they left Brooklyn Supreme Court, saying prosecutors asked them not to talk while the case is still pending.

The two were testifying against their longtime neighbor, Joseph Izzo, who was busted last week for spray-painting a yellow line leading up to their house and telling them to "follow the yellow brick road."

Izzo, 40, who is facing hate-crime charges, is also accused of hurling racial slurs at Pegues and cruelly singing, "Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go."

Izzo was not in court yesterday, and his lawyer, his brother Richard, declined to comment.

A man who said he was Izzo's friend said that over the past few weeks, Izzo and Shea would get into drunken fights and the two would often call the authorities on each other.
I love the fact that the author of the article used as many puns as possible, not to mention the word "midget" which is supposed to piss the wee ones off.

A+ New York Post.

thanks Nick I.

Douche Bags In Rush For White House

[His "I hope you die in a car crash" smile]

Rudolph Guiliani, John McCain, Mitt Romney, and whatever else whacked out Republican asshole that's running are slashin each others throats so fast my head is spinning.

The one thing I don't understand is that John McCain was the "progressive" to GW's "conservative" yet now he's the one pandering to the right and calling Rudy out on shit like abortion issues.

And then you have Rudy who is trying to play the field with "well abortion is bad, but its also good, I don't really care either way..." which means, "kill your ugly crack babies so I don't have to kick their homeless asses out!"

[My shadow puppets totally won me their votes!]

My favorite is Mitt Romney, though. This dude is bat shit crazy. He's like the white Al Sharpton. He's mormon, he loves Battlefield Earth (I bet he offers free "stress tests"), and he talks shit about Bush, while also saying he likes him. He believes in evolution, and said "intelligent design" should not be taught in the classroom.

The dude was a blight on Massachusetts, but he is definitely the Republican to watch. I just want to see him fuck with the others. They all take themselves so seriously, they won't know what do when he comes to a debate dressed like a Storm Trooper and asks Fred Thompson to pull his finger.

May 9, 2007

Gimps McGee Rides Again!

So this dude with no arms and one leg is a habitual law breaker. He apparently is an amazing driver (yes an amazing driver with no limbs cept a weeny winky and a stubby leg) yet continues to say Fuck You to the establishment by breaking all kindsa traffic codes and laws.

His license has been suspended and he is so bad that it is a felony for him to get behind the wheel.

So a copper sees his ass and chases him, and he leads police on a wild chase all day until he finally gets away. He is also in trouble for drugs and other stuff.

I love this guy. He should be the new drummer for Def Leppard.

Instead of offing himself he decided to fuck with the police. I think that is commendable. Too bad jail is going to be rough. He is like totally easy prey for rape and stuff.

Black Peoples Is Crazy!

So this new "tastey" snack that has been getting much press is a pickle soaked in Kool-Aid.

Just focus on that image for a second. Seriously. That is the nastiest shit I have ever heard in my life.

First of all, people who eat giant ass pickles as snacks are retarded, secondly they annoy the hell out of me with that god awful aroma that pours off of those things in a movie theater. My Mom freaks out when she sees some Mesican with a giant pickle.

Mammy's all like, "hell nah I'm not sittin by some skank with a giant pickle, that shit smells nasty and I don't wanna hear her chompin on it like its her daddy's wing wang!"

I love in this article the author can't help focus on the fact that it is black people who love this disgusting treat... much like pigs feet. He even quotes the names of people enjoying their phallic snack as "Ladarius, Fredericka and Kobreana, among others."

Some are calling it the Koolickle... while others, myself included, are calling it shitassnasty. Either or.

Must Love Dogs...

As I showed yesterday, dogs are awesomeness incarnate. They are seriously the world's greatest creatures and if I had my way we would have more puppies and less douches and snot nosed little shit children running around.

Here is a Rottweiler who has taken it upon herself to rear these two lamb babies because their mom was a bitch. How fucking cool is that? She kept them warm and licked them because lamb babies have to be moved and kept circulated or they die... or some shit.

Read more about this awesome doggy... and remember that dogs learn aggressive behavior from humans (cause humans are assholes).

May 8, 2007

And they called it puppy love...

In Africa a flood hit this village and all the animals had to fend for themselves, so surprising to the villagers an awesome puppy doggy and a monkey, named Billy and Kiko, bonded and have been inseperable since.

They make awesome friends. You know that monkey is thinking, "haha bitches I got my own horse to ride... and he'll bite your ass if you fuck with me..." while the dog thinks, "two words bitches... ebola... virus... now back the fuck up!"

May 7, 2007

The Reason I Hate Going To The Beach

What is the reason I hate going to the beach? Sand.

It gets in your shoes... your car... your mouth... your asshole. Seriously anything that causes the symptoms of an STD (itching, burning, never can quite get rid of it all) without the fun of sex is nothing to be desired.

Thus the reason Spiderman 3 just didn't quite make it over the very tall skyscraper of scrutiny it swings from.

The movie was good, I will give it that, but it just didn't give me the feeling that #2 did. And I really feel the reason was Sandman.

If the entire Sandman plot had been erased from the film, it would have been a lot easier to focus on, as well as shorter (and when you are a bit tipsy at 12AM a long movie's the last thing you want).

Honestly, it was like two different movies just kind of spliced together creating this mish mosh of plotlines going every which way like one of Venom's black webs (how come Peter's are sticky and Venom's are like tree branches??)

I also HATED the ending. Come on, give me some kind of happy ending/closure at a wedding or a proposal, not that craptastic jazz club I had fortunately forgotten by the time we got to the conclusion.

I did like the Harry/Peter team up. That was some nice stuff.

But after reading Sensational Spiderman Annual by Matt Fraction, I felt disappointed. The Gwen/Harry/Peter/Mary Jane dynamic was much more believable and heartwarming in the comic, and I would recommend anyone dabbling in the possibility of reading comics, to definitely check it out.


I just hope Jake Gyllenhaal takes up the mantle as Captain Marvel, cause if they continue to make films with a different cast I could definitely assume that it would smell worse than Alicia Silverstone's sweaty snatch in Batman & Robin (think about it: fat girl in leather).

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