July 27, 2006

The feared 'Viagra Gang' now serving hard time!

Some douches went around sticking up Pharmacies to steal viagra so they could sell it on the black markets. Times are hard after all, and it takes a lot of balls to try selling peen enhancers in the criminal underworld.

Apparently the criminals were getting pissed cause the Viagra bandits kept bringing too much attention to the shady cracks in civilization.

Do you know how much that shit costs? They were just doing a service to all those men who have a problem gettin it up, they were helping the world get laid!! I say give them medals... of course the whole putting guns in faces and stealing money from registers was a bit wrong... but helping people get laid is good!

Man breaks flying doggy's fall!

Some douche threw his St. Bernard Oskar out of the window in a drunken fit, and the doggy landed on some dude and was totally fine.

He was all like, "Whoa... thanks dude, lates brah..." and just ran off. What a bad ass.

I am glad he broke the dog's fall, but that bitch was 110lbs, I bet that man's hurtin right now from some fatty canine landin on him, of course it couldn't be some little frou frou gay dog that woulda just bounced off.

Sammy is dead!


'What will your obituary say?' at

Well not really, but apparently this is what my obituary would say. I find it is absolutely... appropriate. Fuck all you bitches, I will have the last laugh all the way to hell!

Plus Mr. Potatohead is hotness. He will most definitely miss me, cause then he wouldn't have no legs (I hid them!)

July 26, 2006

Guinea Pig bangs 24 bitches in one night!

This Guinea Pig named Sooty (awesome name choice dude) breaks out of his pen and where does he go? To the bitches of course!

Not only that, he banged every single one, then passed the fuck out and slept for two days.

The womens are all had something like 43 offspring. Dammnnss man, thats one hellofa child support payment. They'll track your ass down too!

Here's to you Sooty, keep keepin' it real.

Crazy fuckin lady vs. Calm Telemarketer...

I think this dude just wanted to fuck with this bitch, I woulda been like, "You don't know me, you don't pay my bills!"

Fuckin crazy cunt!

Lance Bass is a fag!

Former *NSYNC boy Lance Bass is coming out of the closet... and all we can say is, "It's about fucking time!" Like no one knew you liked the man sausage... come on look at you, you were in N fucking SYNC! You're all gay!

But honestly, I take a little vacation and all this gay news. You damn whiley queens!

Lance... just remember... don't be goin round thinkin you are an instant diva and can have your own show on Bravo, you gotta get castrated before you join primetime!

Washington state don't want no gay marriage...

Washington State Supreme Court struck down the gay marriage saying it should be left up to the ledge and the voters.

First New York, now Washington, the gays are running out of liberal states. Supposedly the next one is New Jersey to announce a ruling.

Man they just can't catch a break. Maybe they should start boycotting, then no more weddings for anyone cause who do you think does all the planning, the hair, the flowers, the decoration, the groom... the gays, silly!!!

Fred Phelps likes Australian peen!

This is some funny ass shit where this Australian reporter hits on Fred Phelps Jr, the crazy ass son of Fred Phelps.

July 19, 2006

'Hoppy' the Kangaroo makes a break for it on the Emerald Isle...

This circus kangaroo totally broke from his prison and bolted like a mofo in Ireland, leading people on a four hour search, but no one has been able to find his ass.

Dude I so want a kangaroo, they are one of the coolest animals on Earth (up there with koalas *also Australian* and penguins).

I bet he's just hoppin around lookin for some bitches, cause you know he's lonely with all those damn elephants and lions and shit. Plus Ireland has good beer.

Look out for a drunk ass kangaroo. They like to fight.

Bush uses first ever Presidential Veto to help end medical progress...

This mother fucker has never vetoed anything, not trillions of dollars on a bullshit war, not for taking civil rights away, not for anything condusive to a better America, except to end a bill that would help stem cell research cause it was "morally wrong?"

WTF? Helping to cure diseases like alshymeir's and cancer through the use of embryos, NOT CHILDREN, is wrong?

His big thing is that he hates abortion and needed a topic for conservatives to focus on in midterms, and since hatin on the gays is soooo last year, they decided to pick up the stem cell train.

The problem is, tons of conservatives are FOR stem cell research cause they want a cure for this shit so they can continue to use an equal AND a sweet n low in their tea without having to worry about getting cancer and forgetting about it.

Puhlease Georgie, one of these days you are so gonna kick yourself in the ass for vetoing this when you or someone in your family gets some disease that could have been cured.

Shit Jenna already has the VD!

July 18, 2006

V For Vendetta is coming...

August 1, V For Vendetta, one of my favorite movies of all time, is coming to DVD. My birthday is August 3, how convenient!!! Someone preorder it and it will get to me the day it comes out. Happy Birthday to me bitches!!

Watch this awesome video of the Cat Power (Velvet Underground cover) song "I Found a Reason" which is from the movie.

July 13, 2006

Blogger gets a house from a fucking paper clip...

So this 26 year old dude started a bartering campaign with just a single red paper clip.

He traded the clip for a fish pen, and the fish pen for a door knob.

The knob for a little stove, and the stove for a generator. He traded the generator for a party with a beer sign and a keg, and then got media attention by trading the party for a snow mobile from a famous radio show host.

He traded the snow mobile for a trip to Yahk, BC, which got more attention because he manipulated a famous CBC show host to come to Yahk as well (It's pretty fucking funny how he did it actually).

He then traded the trip for a recording contract, and traded that for a year's free rent in Phoenix. The bitch next door to the duplex in Phoenix wanted a year's free rent with no neighbors, so she traded an afternoon with Alice Cooper (her boss).

He traded that for a KISS snow globe, then traded that for a part in a Corbin Bernsen movie (who is apparently an avid snow globe collector *gay!*).

He then traded the part in the movie for a house, his ultimate goal!

Dude! I have a blue paper clip!

July 12, 2006

Do rednecks need another gathering place?

Some bum fuck nowhere place in North Carolina is going to build a Barbeque park in honor of all the bbq that has come from there.

You know this is going to be a redneck breeding ground, cause they flock to country music and lotsa food (buncha fatties). I for one love me some barbeque (Texas bbq is the best bitches), but I gotta get in and get out, so I don't get crucified or beaten to death by all the crazies that frequent such establishments.

The place is also on a flood plain, so maybe they'll all gather and instead of a tornado tearin through their trailer, a flood will wash em all a way (it is North Carolina, they could use a bath at least!)

The Republicans won't fucking quit for years...

UPDATE: They postponed the decision to vote on bringing it to the ballot til November.

Massachusetts is facing another gay marriage debate as the "Concerned for Families even though we want to break them up" hypcrites are pushing an ammendment to end the civil right.

The legislature is set to vote on sending it to the public ballot, so the gays best be rallying support or they are all going to lose their marriage licenses they have already been granted.

This is some fucked up shit, I don't see the state hurting from allowing it, but you know those crazy right wingers gotta get their way so they can rub it in everyone's faces how much better they are (if living in a trailer is better, then ok).

I think they need to focus on their own failed marriages, rather than rally against ones that work. Quit bangin your secretary and blaming all your problems on everyone else, Timmy!

Is Disney broke?

After winning every opening weekend box office record with Pirates, Disney is about to announce a cut back of 18 films a year to 8.

Eisner's replacement douche, Dick Cook, has said he wants to restructure the studio and blah fucking blah, meaning Disney has picked quite a few stinkers (Annapolis may have made you cream your jeans, but I don't see much Oscar buzz) and needs to focus on good fucking movies.

The Wild anyone? Disney needs to cling onto Bruckheimer, Pixar, and animated films that don't rip off Dreamworks, and they will rake in the cash.

Oh and they need to stop killing people.

July 11, 2006

Call Perez Hilton

Perez Hilton:
Mario A. Lavandeira

lives at:

WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA 90046 (323) 822-0392

This may be outdated:

NEW YORK, NY 10014
(212) 352-2033

1101 122ND AVE Map It Recorded: Unknown
33184 County

12591 222ND TER Map It Recorded: 10/16/2004
33170 County

8400 21ST ST Map It Recorded: 01/26/2004
33155 County

Not sure if this information is correct, but if it is, fuck it get her ass! Crank call that shit like no fucking tomorrow! (Apparently this is incorrect information, but according to a people search the queen resides in Miami with a 52 year old?!)

PS. Click here for scandalous photos! (Not sure if images are still available, but basically they were of his nasty tiny veiny peen that looks like it might have tha herp)

Can Microsoft beat the iPod, PSP at same time?!

Microsoft has leaked that they will be trying to compete with the iPod with their new handheld device labeled Argo.

They have also hinted that it will be part of the Xbox line, implying it could be used as a musical or gaming device.

I for one say go ahead and try to beat the iPod, you won't. Everyone loves it and already has one. Besides, Apple is so much neater and cooler with their gadgetry, and everyone knows that Macs beat PCs when it comes to bugs and glitches and evil World Domination plans.

I could already see having viruses and worms and shit for this thing. Cause everything Microsoft does fucking breaks down so you have to buy some kind of patch or upgrade to fix the bunk ass thing.

July 7, 2006

Big Brother All Stars Update

Houseguests are:
Dr. Will
Chicken George

So far, Janie and Jase are co-HoH and have agreed by nominating Danielle and Allison.

Janelle won the power of veto.

So far there has been TONS of Maggie bashing, calling her the fat cow and ugly bitch she truly is. They also contemplated on why Ivette and Beau supported Cappy, because he hated gay people and many times used the word "fag."

The Big Brother 6 people have totally formed an alliance, and it seems like Jase is getting in with them, hopefully this won't bite them in the ass. Everyone else hates BB6 and wants them out because they know that they will win all the America votes, and they want free shit cause they are a bunch of dirty dirty whores.

Will provide more updates along the way. Way to go Janie!!!

July 5, 2006

Foul play, suicide, or luck?

Convicted money grubbing asshole Kenneth Lay has died from a massive "heart attack," conveniently before being sentenced for all his crimes.

I am wondering if he did it himself so he wouldn't have to take man juice up his bunghole, or if maybe someone didn't want him "talking" and planned it, or if just by fate he kicked it without having to bear responsibility for his actions.

Either way it's a pretty fucking twisted end to the story of Enron.

July 4, 2006

Happy 4th of July bitches!

Get drunk, shoot some fireworks and and have a fucking blast bitches. My ass is leaving (had to come in to work for a few) and doing just that.

Australian Prime Minister not down with the Big Brother...

Australian Big Brother is some crazy ass shit. So two of the housemates held this bitch down and one of the dudes rubbed his peen in her face, then they were evicted for "molesting" the ho.

Bitch said they shouldn't have been kicked out, cause you know she likes that kinda shit. She's all like, "yeah, put your shrimp on my barbay mate!"

The Prime Douche is calling for the show to be taken off the air. Apparently the viewers don't agree, cause this shit has millions of faithful followers. And I love the American Big Brother, but this international shit is soooooo much more enticing, why can't we have molestations and scandals in ours??

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