August 24, 2006

Pluto is a bitch and we don't like his ass no mo!

Astrologers and scientists voted to removed Pluto's planet status, thus making our solar system only 8 planets.

All those text books are gonna have to be changed stat, but knowing our education system they will continue to teach false information.

There are all these unidentified objects over there near the planet, so who knows what else we have to find out. Alls I know is that if I was Pluto I would be hella pissed that I am no longer worthy and explode or somethin.

All this astrology shit is confusing as hell, so lemme just say take care Pluto, it was nice knowin you since I was little, but now you have been voted out of the circle, I don't want my rep goin down for clingin onto you, so peace out and don't try talkin to me when other people are around.

August 16, 2006

Quote of the Day

"Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety" - Benjamin Franklin

(something I ran across today while reading Superman: Red Son, a VERY appropriate piece of reading filled with present-day themes and ironies, I suggest to anyone and everyone!)

In light of the bullshit you can't have liquid or carry ons on planes one day, to you can't have liquid and your shoes and ipods have to be x-rayed, I felt this little quote by one of our FOUNDING fathers was quite appropriate.

How much are we going to give up for the "greater good," til there is no greater good left to uphold?

Fuck you apathetic Americans who sit blindly by while we are being cornered into some kind of police state. Actually fuck you America, I'm moving to Canada.

August 14, 2006

Gayest magic show ever!

Honestly, America's Got Talent should be renamed to America's got fags, cause this tool's "skill" could only be used on Broadway or in a drag club.

He is a "magician," but honestly he can just wave frilly silky curtains and change real quick behind them. The blonde bitch does most of the work, though, he just waves this satiny cloth while she flips in and out of different dresses.

People are so stupid to even enjoy this shit. I'd rather see this bitch lick her own clit while the dude waves his rainbow flags around her or something, now THAT's some fucking talent!

August 9, 2006

The Hamburglar strikes again!

Some crazy mofo broke into a burger place by punching through the glass, decided to eat some mo fockin hamburgers, then escape by jumping through a glass window.

But he ain't done! He punched a police dog, jumped back in and climbed the shake machine, and began to throw milkshakes and shit at the police officers.

Hahaha pigs, take some shake in yo face!

Then he unplugged it, and as they beat him, he bit into the cord and electrocuted their asses!

The Hamburglar meets the Hulk!! When his ass gets to jail they are gon be all like, "Fuck that nigga, I ain't goin near his crazy ass!"

Bartenders Beware: In China, they will beat your ass!

A Chinese bar is allowing customers to take their aggression out on the staff. If you are pissed cause your bitch fucked around, or your boss is a total douche, you can take it out by beating on some stranger at a bar.

Yes fighting + beer = fun, especially when encouraged. Just hope some drunk asshole doesn't mistake you for an employee, cause then you will have a beer bottle upside your head and then you won't get laid by the ho you was talkin to!

Adam Corolla hangs up on that bitch Coulter!

August 8, 2006

Masturbate-a-thon in England!

To invoke AIDS awareness and raise money, an organization is holding a masturbate-a-thon where people will go into one of four "areas" to get their rocks off to raise money. The longer it takes you or the more you orgasm, the more money you raise. But no cheating! You can't fake any orgasmic encounters (*achem* ladies...)

But you can't touch the other people, either. This sounds like no fun, yeah it is for a good cause, but what a cock tease. All these beautiful bitches runnin around playing with themselves in front of you, and you can't even lend a helping hand?

In America, we should have an annual people without HIV practicing safe sex (and I get to select the people involved), or as I like to call it, greatest orgy ever!

August 3, 2006

Happy Birthday To Me!

It is Sammy's birthday bitches. Hope you all live it up this day, because it is a most spectacular day. And yes it is newsworthy asshole (I knew you were thinking it...)

So please do something fun and spontaneous today, go shoot some fireworks or sneak into a neighbor's pool, or get reallllyy drunk and go to Wal-Mart at 3AM. Anything, just make it fun and worthwhile.

PS. Presents are always appreciated.

[And Happy Birthday to Darth, yay for us!]

August 1, 2006

The Dark Knight casting officially announced!

Heath Ledger, the whiley Australian who almost won an Oscar playing a gay, has been announced to be playing the Joker in the Batman Begins sequel, appropriately titled The Dark Knight.

This is interesting, but he's got the acting chops to do anything he wants (please ignore A Knight's Tale or The Order... or any movie he did with Mark Addy and Shannon Sossaman) and really just focus on Brokeback Mountain, and he should be fine.

What next? Tobie McGuire came back from injury cause Gyllenhaal was going to replace him on Spiderman, and Topher Grace is playing the counterpart to McGuire's Peter, Eddie Brock AKA Venom, so Jakie boy better hurry or all the good comic book characters are going to be taken. He might have to just settle and be the star in the remake of Tank Girl Gurl.

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