June 27, 2006

Kyle XY makes quite a splash on ABC Family...

Kyle XY is a new show on ABC Family about a boy who has woken up and has no memory of ever living, no belly button, and some kind of genius IQ. He is going through "emotions" and human shit like urinating (which he does on himself) and eating for the first time. So of course some random ass family takes him in so they can learn from each other, while mysterious rednecks stalk his ass, and weird shit happens all around. Who is Kyle XY?

ABC Family? More like ABC Trash. With an opening scene of some nude guy wandering in the woods, then stumbling on two teenagers bumpin and grindin, it shows what kind of stellar programming will be in store for the next hour.

Such mishaps included the teenage slut daughter (FUG!) being called down by her mother for breakfast, so she has to kick out her apparent "boy of the day/week" after their wild night of rampant sex acts. She later mentions a girl with "the clap," and walks around naked, then gets pissed cause the "new boy" has seen her "boobs." (Don't fucking walk around naked then, you dumb ho!)

We were also delighted with the 13 year old douche bag son gearing up for some me time, also known as masturbation, with Playpen magazine. Later scenes also included a party where underage kids consumed too much alcohol, and Kyle XY beat up a police officer. Wow. Great values to be teaching our families!

We learned how to speak to our "elders," by saying things like "Yo, I need some juice! Juice me!" (in a ghetto ass voice). I'm surprised he didn't pull out his 9 and cap the bitch!

He also has a big thing for the girl next door who is an "amazing piano player," (bitch was just playing the wedding march, not fucking Mozart), so we can't wait to see him encounter boners and sexual frustration (you know it'll happen on this trash family channel).

All in all I thought this trash was fucking hot. If you can get past the awful acting and the fucking annoying voice over, it is actually quite a fun show. With Snakes on A Plane ("there's mother fuckin snakes on a mother fuckin plane!) and Kyle XY, my guilty pleasure of cheesy ass shit that is so bad, its good, will be fulfilled for years to come.

Kyle XY, ABC Trash Family, Monday 8/7 c, with re-air on Friday, 9/8c on ABC.

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