Get A Fucking TiVo! (Spoilers)

But until you do, I have re-caps of all the shows I watch so far this week. Yes, the shows I watch. If it meshes, then it's your lucky fucking day. If not, buy a fucking TiVo and don't complain.

Monday - 24 - Jack was betrayed by the Secretary of Defense (Audrey Rains' Dad) and tied up with his daughter to this big metal pole, while the SoD gave the recording to one of his guards. The SoD then decided to pay President Logan (that slimy son of a bitch) a visit and demand he steps down. (For those of you who are tools and don't know what is going on - the President helped terrorists get ahold of nerve gas to help us get more oil... sound familiar?)

The Chief of Staff got all suspicious why the President wasn't letting CTU handle the arrest of Jack and called the military general supposedly in charge of bringing Jack in. The General didn't know what the fuck was going on, so the Chief of Staff questioned Logan, who got reallll defensive.

The First Lady (who kicks ass) noticed something fishy was up and tried to talk to the secret service head, Mike. He planned to meet her by the barn, but it looks like he was kidnapped as she only found his cell phone and no red-haired balding lover man.

Meanwhile, the President finds out where Jack is and sends his goons to cap a bitch. Jack gets loose, but they attack him at the airport and hold Audrey hostage. Christopher Henderson (President's goon) ends up cutting her ass all up, and she bleeds like crazy, making Jack give Chris the tape and trying to save Audrey.

Meanwhile, the tools from Homeland (Karen and Pederass) are trying to catch Chloe because she helped out Jack and Audrey, so they plant a trap for her. They arrest her and the bitch escapes, running away with a computer! Genius!

Oh so the SoD shows up, demanding the Pres' resignation, but then Presy finds out that Chris has the recording, so he turncoats on SoD and demands he resigns! All the while, the VP looks like his head is caught up his ass!

What About Brian - Great new show. Brian has lots of sex. His sister has a miscarriage. Tattoo wife wants to sleep around on her dorky husband (she's a heinous bitch) and Marjorie (the object of Brian's affection and his best friend's fiancee) gets jealous over Brian's other dates, while she's planning her wedding.

Tuesday - American Idol - Chris started off the show with a surprisingly great non-rock performance. And he didn't wear as much eye make-up! I'll give it to him for that! I still can't get over the fact that he sang Creed.

Then Paris was pretty good, but looked way too old in her frocky red dress. I still think something about her is creepy.

Taylor was third and rocked the house with some dance moves and lots of passion. He is my 2nd favorite.

EDIT by Sammy: Taylor rocks. Fuck that 2nd shit.

Kellie Pickler sang an overambitious song - and fucked it up in the middle. She knew she screwed it up and admitted it to the judges! Crazy shit! You should at least pretend you meant to do that! Then she played dumb some more on screen with Rod Stewart. It's an act. This bitch is pulling the wool over our eyes! Not mine!

Elliot Yamin and his FUG face was back on the screen. I had to look away. He looked especially like an elf tonight in his purple shirt. He sang his little heart out, but in the end he just isn't American Idol material. Too many whacks from the ugly stick.

EDIT by Sammy: This fug ass bitch couldn't get a job singing in Vegas, he'd have to work at one of those fucking off-the-strip casinos (like Motel 6 or some shit).

Ace Young came out looking dappy and creepy. His hair was pulled back so tight, I thought his head would explode. His song sucked, and he can't sing anything but high notes. If this bitch had sung Justin Timberlake at some time in the show, he wouldn't be going home tonight.

EDIT by Sammy: Gay!

Katharine McPhee was last, and they saved the best fucking performance this season for last. She was amazing! That last note made me choke up! I had to rewind that shit! Vote for this bitch, she deserves it. Not only can she sing, but she'd snatch a weave off a cunt just for looking at her wrong!

Scrubs - JD was locked in the water tower by the Janitor (thankfully), so we got a peak inside the head of Crazy (Janitor). Carla helped Elliot learn a lesson about mercy with an intern, and Turk was called "not black" by Dr. Cox. He therefore tries to prove it for the rest of the episode. Meanwhile, Janitor is being told by everyone that he doesn't make a difference, so he spends the day with a patient that can't talk. In a very poignant ending, the patient thanks the Janitor, showing everyone that the Janitor does make a big difference.

That's it for now. If you don't like it, you know what to do...

EDIT by Sammy: die.